He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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