After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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