i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
