Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize