when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
