If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
