Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I will be naked everywhere
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My ass is underappreciated
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
