i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
