I bet he comes in French.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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