Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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