im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
