i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
