Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
