you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's blow job season.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
