Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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