What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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