we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
