Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
