I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
