Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
