even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize