My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
