But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
