Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
