it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
