All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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