if i can run in heels then i can drive
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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