Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
