Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
