Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize