i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
