Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
