The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
