Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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