Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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