everyone is single if you try hard enough
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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