I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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