tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
