omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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