I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
