You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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