I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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