My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
