My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
