I think i peed on brittanys purse
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
