Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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