The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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