p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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