Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
