does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
