He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
