Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
