So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
