I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
