sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
