WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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