i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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