Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
