I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
