Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
