we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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