By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
