you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
