forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
