whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
