then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
