if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
