My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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