This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
