I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
