I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
