Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize