You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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