I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
