i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
