i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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