umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
