Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
please come you make the beer taste better
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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