Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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